Welcome to the special "April Fools Day" edition of Beatdown! Well, not really. It's actually just a plain vanilla Beatdown that appears close to April 1st. Hey, sue me. This issue we have lots of Serious Sammage, news about the old foot and mouth (as opposed to the foot in mouth problem that I tend to have) and we find out what at least one third of The Police has been up to. Plus regular features like releases and golds and a ton of announcements. You'd be a fool not to tune in!
Quote of the Week: "I read your Beatdown so I better be nice to you. That way, you will be nice to the Sam!" --Roman Ribaric of Croteam
At the beginning of Serious Sam you can turn around and move to the bottom of the big ramp and find a secret area. Turn around and on your left there's a door. Open it and several bigheaded goons will come out. Sharp-eyed readers will see Levelord and a few other luminaries, also included is bigheaded fellow writer generally known as Erik of Old Man Murray.
"That's Levelord on the left and... that's Erik under my targeting cursor!"
Sure, everyone thinks Old Man Murray's Erik scooped the PC world with his brilliant interview of Roman Ribaric when the first Serious Sam Tests appeared. But faithful Beatdown readers will note my mention of the game in this column at roughly the same time! Yes, roughly the same time! "Roughly" counts, doesn't it?! (Note: By "roughly" I mean "about a week later".) Am I to be ignored simply because I'm not as "influential" as Erik? I'm not as "intelligent", or as "pretty", or as "stacked" as the Old Man Murray crew? That I'm not as "funny"? Injustice I say! Shenanigans! I call shenanigans on this whole industry!
I mean, come on! I mentioned it here as often as possible, I covered it twice in my Andrew's Views column at PC Daily Radar, and I previewed the game here at Sharky Games and later, another preview, at USA Today.com! I interviewed Ribaric for Daily Radar AND got him into PCGamer magazine's backspace! I told my neighbor about the game, and he bought one because of me! I moved hell and earth to make Serious Sam the success it will likely be! Erik did one little interview about crates and about some Croatian dictator nobody knows about. Bah! Roman Ribaric owes me everything. But does he put me in Serious Sam? No. Just for that I want you all to read my glowing review of the game here (http://www.sharkygames.com/games/reviews/s/serious_sam/) and change every positive comment to a negative one. I want the score lowered to a 3 of 10. I want justice! Most of all I want to be a giant big headed goon in Serious Sam. (I'll take a signed copy of the game instead though.)